To her fans, Brenda Mtambo is known as one of South Africa’s best Afrosoul artists but, to her children, she proudly carries the title of “mommy”.
Mtambo is a mother to Zion, 8, and Zuri Nxele, 5, and like, any mother, she has good and bad days.
Mtambo, who has been open about her struggles with anxiety and depression, said motherhood is overwhelming sometimes but she tries to always be present in the moment so she can enjoy every bit of it.
“I do what I need to do, when I’m supposed to do it. I taught myself the principle of being present in each and everything I am doing at that particular moment.
“If I am at home, I am fully a mother. If I’m at work, in the boardroom, then I am the boss, and if I am on stage, I am a performer, so with all the roles that I play, I try to be present and show up in the best way possible,” shared the “Sane” album-maker.
She said the best way to get through everything was to strike a balance in life.
“I don’t have a formula, I just try to strike a balance. I don’t want my kids to grow up and say mom was always working and she was never home, so every morning I take them to school.”
However, there are times when she needs to take a break from everything, including mothering.
“I am a single mother. There are times when I’m really tired and I can’t do it. I do seek help in this instance.
“I have a great co-parenting co-partner and I also have a nanny/helper at home, so I am able to say that I am tired or that I need time out.
“I’ve recently started to travel by myself. So I take mini holidays without the kids, just so that I can recuperate.
“It also helps because I am a songwriter, and I need that time away where I can be myself. I’ve always been an advocate for not forgetting who you are as a person, because sometimes we do forget and 20 years later, you’ve forgotten all about your passions and things that you love.”
To escape, she said she loves to get away from the city, have a spa day or just read a book on her balcony while enjoying a glass of wine.
Speaking about her anxiety and depression, she said: “Being a mom comes with a lot of things and I feel like there is no shame in sharing what we are going through.
“I struggled. I gained so much weight. I couldn’t take care of myself. With help, therapy and helping myself, I’ve been able to come back to myself again. I am feeling great. I go to the gym. I’ve lost weight and I am happier as a mom as well.
“You need to be a happy parent around your kids, to create a healthy environment for them.”
Presently, Mtambo is on chronic anxiety medication and is managing her condition well.
“Gym has also helped me a lot but I have days were I am not positive and vibey. Some days I still get overwhelmed being a parent, but I try not to dwell on those times.
“I always know that I need to snap out of it. Mainly for myself, but also because of the two little people I am raising.”
Sharing some tips on what has helped her make motherhood a better experience for herself and her children, she said: “I’ve learnt that for us to be happier, we have to do things together.
“I learnt this through therapy. So if they are watching a cartoon, I will go watch with them, or if they are reading, I say, ‘Let’s all read together or talk a walk together’.
“I also created a healthier environment for them by getting along with their father. I want them to see happy faces. I don’t want them to see an angry mom and dad.”
Her advice to mothers is to love your kids and also give yourself grace.
“Being a mother isn’t easy and there is no formula for being a great mother, but the best thing you can do for your kids is give them love.
“It doesn’t matter how much money you have, kids don’t know about that, they just need love.
“As a single mother and as a mother who struggles with anxiety and depression, be open and communicate with them.
“Adapt to their free spirit so that you can also be free.
“Perfection is not something that you teach your kids, let them be, and know that you are doing your best,” she advised.
Mtambo added: “Don’t beat yourself up about things that you forget, give yourself grace. We are not perfect beings and we need to communicate that to our children.”