Minutes after Danny the horse and I posed for this picture, the men from Mercedes came and collected their lovely new car and I got in my own car to head to London for an important meeting. It wouldn't start.
So I cadged a lift to the station, where at this moment I'm sitting on a bench at the end of the platform like some lunatic trainspotter with my shoes covered in horse dung, my hair coated in diesel dust and my brand new Tom Ford suit streaked with pigeon poop from the canopy overhead that's supposed to stop things dripping on you. I've written this column from some grim places, but this takes the prize.
Still, as all the trains are delayed, it's as good a time as any to get on with it. So, why the horse? Well, originally, a cabriolet - from the French cabrioler, meaning to caper (thanks, Google) - was a light, two-wheeled carriage that could be pulled fast by a single horse, making it the best way of getting around a large town.
"Cab", as in taxi, is an abbreviation of the word. So 200 years ago, Danny here would have been pulling the cabriolet.
I don't think he could pull this one, though, big boy though he is. You can probably tell I'm keeping my distance. I don't do horses. Horsepower, yes - horses, no.
I like them, but I don't think they like me. If you had the chance to lounge around in a field all day, eating grass with all the lady horses, I don't think you'd be much impressed by some 90kg Yorkshireman trying to hitch a ride on your back.
I went on a horse once when I was younger and within 10 seconds I was on my back looking at the clouds with my spine lodged in my throat. It was three days before my lungs worked properly. Nope, it's definitely not for me.
Fortunately, your modern cabriolet moves under its own power and this one has enough room in the back for Danny to climb aboard if he wanted to.
Seriously, there used to be a horse in Florida who did that. Patches, he was called. He could also play the drums. Anyway, it's a proper four-seat cabrio and there aren't too many of those around.
WELL PROPORTIONED
Because the folded roof takes up so much space, you end up with a horrible slab-like back end that stretches back boringly for about half a kilometre. Look at convertible Volvos - yuck.
Until now, I felt the same way about ragtop Mercs. The old CLK convertible which this replaces did nothing for me. But this looks smart and well proportioned.
It's not cheap, starting at about R770 000, but for that you do get genuinely sporty looks inside and out. The interior is typical Mercedes, with heated seats, auto aircon and nice materials, while the exterior is a choice between SE or this more aggressive Sport version, with side skirts, lower bumpers and bigger rims.
I was glad the seats were electrically adjustable. I needed a low driving position, as with the roof up it was a little tight. There also wasn't much rear visibility, thanks to the big bumps behind the two rear seats which house the roll bars.
This makes reverse-parking almost impossible without either using the optional reversing camera (which I couldn't master) or putting the roof down.
COMFY CABRIO
So, what's that like? I'd been reading about the Aircap - a blade attached to the top of the windscreen that deflects wind up and over the car. It sounds like a good idea, but it doesn't work - at least, not on me.
Maybe at 1.9m I'm outside the normal height range, because my hair ended up tangled to hell. It does make the ride quieter, though.
What I do like is the optional Airscarf, which blows warm air round your neck so you can barrel along without getting frostbite. And since they always fit the expensive options to the media cars, I had ventilated seats that blow either warm or cool air on your back. I've never been in a comfier cabrio.
If I'm honest, though, it's more impressive with the roof up - mainly because it's so quiet that you forget you're in a convertible, which is amazing for a soft top.
Mercedes went for a fabric roof because it takes up less space but there still isn't loads of room in the boot. You can get your weekend bags in no problem, but suitcases would be tricky.
I just slung my stuff on the back seats, but it makes you wonder if this car would be a practical choice for a family of four on holiday, despite the legroom.
FAULTLESS ON FREEWAYS
It needed to be comfy, as this was one of the longest tests I've done. In seven days I did more than 2400km. Germany was one trip: there and back on a tank and a half - brilliant.
I did Brighton, London and Yorkshire twice, and it was faultless on the freeways. Through town the autobox was smooth and it handled like a dream, while on the twisty stuff the Sports button sharpened the ride so I could push it harder.
I'd been given the range-topping E500 with a growling 5.5-litre V8 that can hit 100km/h in 5.2sec - great fun, but it's only destined to make up one in 50 sales. Which isn't surprising, since it's more than R900 000 and gets that punitive pollution tax whacked on it.
You couldn't go far wrong with the 2.2-litre diesel (not avaialble in South Africa), which is much cheaper and has the new BlueEfficiency technology.
I have to say I enjoyed the new E500 cab, even though a ragtop Merc is slightly more feminine than I'd usually go for, but the E-Class as a whole is excellent.
I just wish I was sitting in one now, instead of on a bench in a railway station. Quick bird-poop update: I've tried to get it off with loo paper in the toilet sink and it's made the stain bigger. Today can only get better. Should've taken the horse. - Daily Mail
Power/Torque:
285kW/530Nm at 2800-4800rpm.
Transmission:
Seven-speed automatic.
Top speed:
250km/h (limited).
Fuel consumption:
11 litres/100km.
CO2 emissions:
257g/km.
Standard equipment:
18" alloy rims, anti-lock sports brakes, suspension, electronic stability system with traction control, sport button sharpens accelerator, gear shifts and damping, acoustic soft top, wind deflector, ambient lighting, attention assist, eight-speaker audio system, dual-zone auto aircon, cruise control, intelligent headlights, leather seats (heatable and electrically adjustable front), parking sensors with guidance.
Optional extras:
Reversing camera, distance control, airscarf heating system, digital tuner, six-CD changer with iPod input, 150mm satnav, multimedia system with 180mm satnav and 6GB music memory, ventilated front seats, 12-speaker Harman Kardon Logic 7 surround-sound system, nappa leather upholstery, four-zone auto aircon.