The most private aspects of your sex life are still mainly forbidden to discuss.
Is it going to be any simpler to bring up in the bedroom if you can't discuss it with your best friends?
You might not have known much about playing with limits in the bedroom if it weren't for mainstream erotica and softcore pornography (hello, "Fifty Shades of Grey").
We might not be aware of the precise number of Americans who have tried - and enjoyed - spanking and tying each other up if it weren't for anonymous surveys.
The fact is that at least some of your pals have undoubtedly given it a try, and one in five include it in their routine bedroom play.
More than 22% of sexually active people play pretend, and more than 20% have experienced being restrained and spanked, according to the 2015 Sexual Exploration in America Study.
Maybe even more shocking? A different poll revealed that even though they hadn't had the chance to investigate it, over half of the 1 040 respondents were curious about kink.
Additionally, there is mounting evidence that having an adventurous relationship in the bedroom may have several advantages for both your relationship and health.
For a moment, let's go back: What precisely constitutes a kink?
The term "kink," which lacks a precise medical or technical meaning, is often used to describe any sexual act that deviates from accepted norms, including kissing, vaginal penetration, masturbation, and oral sex.
Although the term "kink" itself denotes anything that veers from the "straight and narrow," there are a few categories that frequently come under the term:
BDSM
BDSM, a four-letter acronym that stands for six concepts — Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism - comes to mind when most people think of kinky sex. A very broad range of activities are included in BDSM, from bondage parties and pain play to mild paddle paddling and dominant/submissive role-playing.
Playing a role and fantasy
Imagining scenarios is one of the most popular types of kinky sex. This might be as straightforward as discussing a dream in bed or as sophisticated as dressing up or staging plays in front of complete strangers.
Fetishes
Fetish play, which is defined as treating a non-sexual item or body part sexually, is enjoyed by one in four men and women. Feet, shoes made of leather or rubber, and diaper play are typical fetishes (yes).
Exhibitionism or voyeurism
Having sex in public is one kind of exhibitionism, whereas seeing someone undress or watching a couple have sex secretly are frequent voyeur fantasies. Both are surprisingly prevalent (and kinky); according to the poll, 35% of respondents were interested in voyeurism.
Group sex
Threesomes, sex parties, orgies, and more - group sex is any act that involves more than two people. Ten percent of women and 18% of men have participated in group sex, while even higher percentages voiced interest in the idea.
Unexpected benefits of kink can be found
Listen to the science first: You could feel better and have better mental health if you have kinky sex. According to a 2013 survey, both dominant and submissive BDSM practitioners were:
- less nervous and more outgoing
- more receptive to novel situations
- more responsible and less vulnerable to criticism
They were also more subjectively happy than the control group was. This might imply either that persons with these characteristics are drawn to kinky sex or that engaging in kinky sex can foster personal development and self-assurance.
The latter, however, is quite likely, particularly as we learn more about the impacts of kinky sex.
For instance, a 2009 study indicated that couples who engaged in healthy, consensual SM behaviour had lower levels of the negative stress hormone cortisol and also reported higher sensations of relationship closeness and connection following their sexual play.
Additionally, a pilot research with a small number of "switches" (individuals who switch roles, such as a dom who becomes a sub) discovered that consensual BDSM could lower anxiety by putting the mind in an altered "flow" state of awareness.
This is akin to the high that some people experience after engaging in activities like yoga, creating art, or running.
Understanding common myths, preconceptions, and misconceptions about kinky sex
There are many myths and misconceptions regarding kinky sex, which is not surprising given that we seldom discuss it. Let's dispel a few prevalent kink clichés.
Women are also drawn to kink
Although some forms of kinky sex frequently appeal more to one sex than the other - for instance, more men are interested in foot fetish play while more women are interested in feeling pain during sex - both sexes are generally equally interested in exploring kink.
It's not "crazy" of you to explore BDSM
The term "BDSM" is frequently used in the media to refer to abuse and violence. Some practitioners have even experienced prejudice and persecution as a result of their quirks. The typical individual who engages in consensual kink, however, has psychological health that is above normal, according to research.
You don't require a tonne of expensive machinery
When you think of kinky sex, you might picture a dominatrix in leather with a matching whip. However, all you really need is a willing partner and a little bit of creativity.
There are undoubtedly shops for that if you have particular proclivities or wish to travel the world more.
However, being kinked requires far less gear than, say, participating in your neighbourhood recreational hockey team. If you want to play around with sensory deprivation or constraints, you don't even need blindfolds or handcuffs; a knot or pillowcase would suffice in both situations.
Making role play play enjoyable and secure
Although there are many advantages to kinky sex, and it may be whatever you and your partner want it to be, there are a few things you should remember to make your explorations enjoyable, safe, and fulfilling.
Consent is the first step in everything
A sex act should always be preceded by informed permission, not only when you're with a new partner. This is especially true if you're doing anything kinky for the first time.
Healthy sexual relationships depend on communication, which is especially necessary when experimenting with dominant/submissive roles or running the risk of hurting someone.
Safe words are no laughing matter
Your fantasies could include constraints or resistance, which are more typical among women than you might imagine.
Use a safe word you both agree upon before you start kinky to ensure that you can say no in your fantasy world while still having a method to plainly communicate no to your partner. You can use the standard expressions red light (stop) and green light (keep going).
Consider (and discuss) your "strict limitations"
Everybody has their own restrictions and limitations. While being open to new bedroom activities is fantastic, it's also crucial to be honest about the hobbies you don't want to do (as in never, ever). There is no need to be shy while talking to your partner about these "strict limitations."
Make sure the pain is enjoyable and has no negative effects on health
Mixing pain and pleasure is a key aspect of kinky sex. While many couples only tolerate moderate spanking or slapping, those who experiment with additional methods, such as breast and genital discomfort, should educate themselves to prevent significant or long-term nerve or tissue damage.
After care is also crucial
Women can have "postcoital dysphora," which includes signs like anxiety, anger, or aimless sobbing, even while having non-kinky sex. In order to combat this, especially for BDSM, after care that includes emotional connection and communication is crucial.
So, after having powerful sex, don't just retire to bed. Make sure your spouse is alright after what just happened by checking in with them.
Recall: Kinky sex may be anything you want it to be
To various couples, kink might appear quite differently, and that's absolutely fine. It's not necessary to get a leather bodysuit and a whip before exploring kink. It may be as easy as experimenting with different forms of sex after breaking from your usual bedtime routine.
The fundamental principles of effective kinky sex are identical to those of any solid, committed union: transparency, trust, understanding and patience.
Don't allow socially built taboos prevent you from enjoying yourself now that you know it is science-approved. Go ahead and get kinky.