QUESTION: After 30 years of monogamy, I’ve realised I don’t really like sex. I sometimes feel low-key pleasure, but what I enjoy is the companionship. But when I confessed my true feelings to my husband, he was horrified. Is it really so odd to feel the way I do?
ANSWER: Our society tends to be quite bullying about sex. We want to medicalise all those who don’t enjoy it - especially the women - and to issue them with drugs and therapy.
But you raise an important issue: what if the dissenters are perfectly happy the way they are? After all, in pretty much every other area of life we’re allowed the luxury of individual taste.
The real problem here is how your partner feels about your distaste. It’s brave of you to have been so honest, but I wonder if you thought through the consequences first.
Whereas before he presumably thought you took pleasure from your encounters, now he’s going to feel he’s been putting you through an ordeal.
Yes, you’ve been honest, but I wonder to what end? Did you tell your partner for his benefit, or for your own? You may feel you’ve got a weight off your chest, but he will now feel insensitive if he tries to initiate sex. Which is quite possibly what you want: more snuggling and less bedroom action? But be prepared if your man doesn’t welcome that particular scenario.
I’m interested in the fact that you’ve decided to come clean about your lack of sexual interest now. You’re clearly sick of faking enthusiasm and I understand this. But it’s asking a lot of your husband to accept the situation and not impose on you.
And that wouldn’t make him a bad person. A shared interest in sexual intimacy is a large component of many relationships. - Daily Mail