Just because 2018 has reached its climax, it doesn’t mean you have. Maybe you’re looking for one last sexual adventure to cap off your year, and if you’re looking for ideas you’ve come to the right place.
Fortunately, there are a couple of other places that are recommended while on your vacation and the mood strikes.
The Good Old Beach
Yup, it’s the cliché. Everyone has thought of getting your rocks off next to the rocks and sea – but there’s a bit more to it than avoiding a few kids and a creepy fisherman.
Firstly, it’s pretty easy to be snuck up on, so try and find somewhere behind a dune. Just because the beach is empty now, that doesn’t mean it will be empty in 60 seconds. Secondly, don’t forget to shake your towels out first. Sand gets everywhere, and unless you’re super kinky, you probably won’t enjoy a bit of grating alongside your motion of the ocean.
In A Tent
Now this one can be tricky. The problem with tents are their walls. They don’t have any. While those canvas sheets are great at preventing monkeys from stealing your Lays, they don’t keep sound in.
Sleeping on a blow up mattress can also make it awkward. Not only can you slip off, but they can be super loud too. The best way to get around this is to wait until everyone is properly asleep, or sneak off to the bathrooms.
The car is also an option if you have the space. If you have to stay in the tent, you want to keep as much weight on the mattress as possible. It’ll keep it as still as possible.
In The Forest
Now this is another tricky one because, like the beach, you don’t want your fiddly bits exposed to too much forest. I don’t know about you, but a beetle crawling across my bum cheek isn’t my idea of a turn on.
Forest floors also have the habit of being a bit muddy, so remember that if you need to head back home without anyone knowing what went down. For this to work, you need to find a place just off your hiking trail where you can hear anybody approaching.
Don’t try and get it on somewhere where you can keep an eye out, because someone will appear, and they will see you. Make sure you’re wearing clothing that can be fixed quickly. A pair of tracksuit pants for guys, or a summer dress for girls. Don’t forget to bring some wet wipes! You don’t want to have to complete your hike in a sticky mess.
On A Game Drive
Sadly, this one will only work if you’re in your own car while out looking for the Big 5. Nookie on a game drive with a ranger and other tourists is probably impossible (unless it’s a night drive and you’re covered in blankets. Then a bit of a touching session is easy. Just sit in the back row!).
If you’re looking for plausibility when you get caught, this one is easy if you do your preparation correctly. Find yourself a quiet bit of game reserve ideally next to a dam or something.
Put a bird book on the dashboard and drop the binoculars on the floor by the back seats. Roll the windows down, turn the car off, push the seats back, and have at it! The nice thing about this one is you can hear cars coming for miles, and people don’t look out of place shuffling around cars in game reserves.
There’s always someone looking for the cooler box on a game drive.
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